4.13 A.M. The Last To Give Up... The First To Succeed.

Dear Reader,

I understand I don't update my blog quite as often as you probably would like,
But i'm honestly grateful that you have been ever so patient to check back for my updates or lack there of.

See, when you study at a certain Art Academy..
Your life starts revolving around it, You start hanging out with people from the Academy cause you never have enough free time to socialize much outside..
In fact, I've come to realize that at least 75% of the time people find love within campus grounds..
I suppose that makes sense doesn't it?
Cause you can lump work and personal life together..
Therefore spending time with that special him or her while chasing deadlines..
And you never have to worry about him/her complaining bout not spending time together, because he/she would naturally understand the nature of the workload students of this.. Academy.. face on a daily basis..

which can be quite the pain in the tush region...

Within the last 36 hours.. I've gone from feeling Stressed to feeling Hopeless .. somehow looping it back up to hopeful .. down to rock-bottom-my-future-is-in-jeopardy .. to shame .. again up to hopeful .. then screwed up.. then down right tired.. to I-have-to-blog-about-this..

It starts with the incredibly amazing software most Digital Animators use.. Autodesk Maya.. see while I understand how modelling a object works on maya perfectly well.. I have more than a little problem understanding how actually animating the entire thing works.. and to top it all off..

MAYA ... HATES ... ME..
so it crashes.. corrupts.. and doesn't listen to the commands i give it .. more than half the time...

Yesterday I was required to animate the movement of this tank I previously modeled on Maya..

and things didn't go the way i would have preferred it to..

sat up all night trynna tweak things...
went to class and tried fixing things there..
asked my lecturers for help (thank god they're like heaven sent angels)
managed to work my tank..
but then when i saved my work to submit it... the file conveniently corrupted itself and refused to open..

the whole time I kept thinking .. I can't do this anymore.. I give up.. but then I kept on keeping on..
I listened to a very inspiring individuals podcasts on youtube while working to keep myself going..

and then my lecturer comes up to me during class..

C: You look sad.. what's wrong?
Me: I am sad.. I suck at maya..
C: you don't suck :)
Me: I do
C: you don't..
Me: I do
C: why do you think you do?
Me: cause i can't even make my bloody tank move..
C: just try.. you gotta try :)

and then she walked away.. but was patient enough to answer EVERYTHING each silly question i asked..
both my 3D Maya Essential lecturers are amazing..

infact... most of my lecturers this sem are pretty awesome.. some painfully honest.. but hey .. honesty is teaching..

anyway i somehow managed to finish my work and was about to submit my video and Maya Binary scene file.. when the scene file corrupted.. So my submission folder lacks 1 file :(

anyway .. bottom line is i'm just so .. seriously SO glad i made it through today alive.. (trust me I had serious doubts).

Dear Reader,
A wise man told his fans throught a podcast..
The last one to give up.. will be the first to succeed..
and fate will keep throwing you curb balls to see if you have what it takes to attain success..
It's up to you to keep chugging along to achieving your dreams.
or to give up and to simply flush your dreams down the drains.

today I chose to chug along..
And god help me.. I need that will power..

Dear Reader,
untill next time,
good night..

4.12 A.M. Pretending.

This isn't normally my blogging style..
But i'm allowed to vent right?
This IS my blog after all?
I don't know where i'm headed anymore..
It honestly feels like a downward spiral to nowhere!

I keep advising people.. saying things will get better..
but I am finding it hard to convince myself to believe the same..

will I be another victim of the system?

I can't quit..
I won't quit..
I just wan't time..

Dolphin Shark or Tuna?
who am I?
Who are you Ms. 4AM Blogger?

Dear Reader..
I've reached my breaking point..